Yes I said winning, how am I doing that you ask ?
well first I had to acknowledge that I was suffering from depression, I’m aware of the symptoms and understand when those emotions and feeling are strongest, I know those negative thoughts that comes and where they were going to lead me, by being aware, it led me to discover that I had the power to control them. When those hurtful memories from the past knocks, before, I used to open the door and invite them in and allow myself to linger in those feelings, agreeing with those emotions allowing myself to be a victim all over again, I was reliving those painful moments, I was feeding my energy negative thoughts from my past. onced I discovered that I had rights to my present feelings, I begin to fight against the negative thoughts, when they came knocking. I knew I had a choice to open to it or not to.
I chose other distractions such as turning on the music, go walking, grab a pen and paper and start writing,(writing has never fail me that is why I call it my saving grace.) I would pick up the phone and call someone, now is not easy at first, it’s a daily challenge which will required daily will. some days are tougher than other base on whatever triggers those feelings. I personally believe the reason some has succumb to depression worse than others is because they are not aware of choices when it comes to those feelings and emotions that are detrimental to their mental health. those thoughts that comes saying, “you are not love, you are a failure, just end it all etc, will only get louder if you sit there and listen to it, I had to find a way to quiet those thoughts, understanding that I don’t have to focus on it because by focusing on those thoughts will only fuel its power in my mind.
Another discovery I made was not feeling ashamed of suffering from depression, which is another huge factor that help my (Winning). I told myself so many people out there are dealing with something, no one have a perfect life, all of us are struggling with one thing or another, and shame never bring about healing, shame is a form of emotions that will keep you in the dark and confine you to a state of mind that won’t allow you room to forgive self and others.
Happy Place! I got creative in creating happy places for me to go when negative thoughts start knocking, I gave myself other alternatives, here some example. My kids, I start thinking about them, I start focusing on them, I will grab a photo album and start going through their pics, I will venture into a memory of the last good thing I did or happen to me. I stay conscious of my thoughts, I stay presence of my now.
No cure, But its OK
I know there is no cure for depression, so I had to make a decision on how I’m going to live with depression and not let it get the best of me. so the answer came to me over time, by acknowledging it, don’t fear it, don’t be ashame of it, and know I also have the ability and power over how my feelings and emotion affect me on a day to day living. By realizing and accepting that I had a choice when it comes to my feelings and emotions and the thoughts that I focus on, and allow to lord in my mind, empowered me to have a more healthier mindset. It’s a responsibility I challenge myself with daily,and that is why I’m winning.
~Micheline Jean Louis